Why nothing makes us happy anymore. (6 super quick question to find happiness again.)
We live in a time where only 1 in 3 people is happy. That means that 2/3 of the population are living an unhappy life (or at least not as happy as they could be.
The real question here is why are so many people unhappy? Is it due to filling unfilled? Not being where we want in life? loneliness? Maybe it is expectations not being met? An even more prominent question to ask is how do we become happier? I have learned throughout my training on life coaching it is far better to spend 10% of our time on the problem and 90% of our time on discovering the solution. Happiness is an elusive feeling. But, not for much longer. Here are a few fast ways to turn that frown upside down. (It isn’t as hard as you would think.)
The psychology behind it. (Read until the end to see the short answer. You will never be the same.)
Before we delve into the questions we should first analyze the psychology of happiness (The phrase “the psychology of happiness” refers to a new field of social science called positive psychology). The biggest thing that makes us unhappy is having high expectations for things in life. If we hold ourselves to this image of what life should be like. We will often become diminished compared to what we “think” life is meant to be.
I fall victim to them a lot. As being an INFJ (introverted, intuitive, feeling, judging-type, which is the 4 letter breakdown of my personality type. Some people that share this type would be MLK, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, And Jesus just to name a few.) I am very much so a perfectionist and hold myself to high standards and those around me. Learning that there is a difference from doing my best and hold everything to such a high expectation has greatly helped me become happier. If you haven’t already check out what your personality type is based on the Myers-Briggs test, I highly recommend that you do so (One of the best ways to create happiness is by finding ourselves.) The best part is that it is FREE and super fast to do.)
Aside from that our minds are “hardwired” to recognize the negatives in our lives so we can avoid them from continuing. We are “designed” to survive not so much to be “Happy” and or striving to be our best.
Another cause could be from lack of experiencing new things in life. Once we start to do the same thing every day we begin to feel stagnant and unhappy. We are not wired to do the same things every day (at least not in the extreme as we do now. We are meant to move and produce.) Until we started agriculturally progressing (around 10-13 thousand years ago), we were more or less a migrating species. So that plays a huge role in it.
Also, happiness is a fleeting moment. We are always changing every moment of the day. Dopamine levels start to lessons with each reoccurring feeling and or activities (The reason the same routines can “hurt” our happiness.) Having a routine is a great thing to do, but it should be a rule of thumb for how the day will play out.
But, I digress. If we are looking at it for an overall view and not the science and psychology of it. This will be useful.
Pinpointing our current level of happiness & expectations. (Super fast to do.)
There is an exercise that I tell my clients to try. It is simple and takes only a couple of minutes.
People often do not like to be told what to do or how to live their lives (myself included.) This is an effective exercise to do that gives us the power and that helps us figure it out ourselves.
1. What is your level of happiness right now on a scale from 1–10 (1 being the lowest.);
-What can you do to bring it up to a 10 and or higher?
2. What is your level of happiness with your social life from a 1–10?;
-How can you make it go to a 10 or higher?
3. What is your level of happiness with your job (financially.);
-What ways can you make that go to a 10 or higher?
4. What is your level of happiness romantically?;
-What can you do to make it a 10 or higher?
5. What is your happiness level with your physical health?;
-How can you make it a 10 or higher?
6. What is your level of happiness spiritually?
-What can you do to make it a 10 or higher?
(You can add whatever area of your life that you feel is lacking and or could be better. This is for you, so write out as long of an answer as you would like on a separate piece of paper/doc. You can even hang it on the wall so it can act as a daily reminder.)
An example of this would be;
1. What is your level of happiness right now on a scale from 1–10 (1 being the lowest.); 9
-What can you do to bring it up to a 10 and or higher? I could spend more time doing the things I love and enjoy. Like writing, reading, cooking, exercising, listening to music, seeing people I know and love as well as my dog, Lucky.
2. What is your level of happiness with your social life from a 1–10?; 9
-How can you make it go to a 10 or higher? I could call someone I know and see if they would like to hang out. I could go to the park for a walk and meet new people. I could join a club or a meetup that I find interesting and meet like-minded people. The list goes on.
3. What is your level of happiness with your job (financially.); 9
-What ways can you make that go to a 10 or higher? I could do more freelance work with my writing. I could find more clients for my coaching business. Talk to a marketing team about getting my book, Perfectly Perfect, more attention. I could even work a part-time job if need be.
4. What is your level of happiness romantically?; 9
-What can you do to make it a 10 or higher? I could go on more date. I could go to places where I can interact with women who share the same core values. I could ask that girl out who always smile at me in class on a date. (We can even take ourselves out on dates. There is nothing wrong with being “romantic” with ourselves.)
5. What is your happiness level with your physical health?; 9
-How can you make it a 10 or higher? I could go to the gym more often. I could run more with my dog. I could make sure I’m eating better foods or go on a diet. I could even get a personal trainer.
6. What is your level of happiness spiritually? 9
-What can you do to make it a 10 or higher? I could meditate more. Do more yoga. Help more people and give back to the community. I could start another non-profit. I could go on an adventure to somewhere remote. I could even just spend more time with myself without any distractions.
I always place my level at a 9 because we could always be feeling and or doing better. There is no limit to what we can do and achieve.
This has helped many people and is what I learned from one of my mentors when learning from Tony Robbins team.
What is happiness to us? (It isn’t what you think.)
It comes down to what we deem as happiness. What activities did we use to do that brought us joy? What are we currently doing that isn’t bringing us the happiness we are seeking and what are we doing to rectify it?
Are there any blocks that are limiting us? If so, how do we fix it? What will it change? Why does changing, change anything at all? Do we need to change anything about ourselves?
What are we grateful for. What do we appreciate in our lives at this moment? This is a big part of it. We often neglect the things we have in life until it’s gone. Then we miss it more than anything. Taking time out to write a list of what we are grateful and happy for can greatly bring us more joy in life. (We have to enjoy the little things to begin to enjoy the big ones. Here are 10 ways to live a “perfectly perfect” life – video.)
There are so many things that makeup what “happiness” is. Especially for any given person. The first step is to find out what truly makes us happy.
It could be seeing our special someone. Making/eating amazing food. Painting. Writing. It could be traveling the world. Spending time with your family. Playing a game/sport, or doing nothing at all. It could even be trying to do everything. Everyone is different. The best way to see what makes us happy is to spend time alone to evaluate what it is that makes us fill overjoyed.
Once we know what it is that makes us happy we can start being happy. We do less of the things that don’t bring us joy. We have higher boundaries for ourselves. And we learn to live in the here and now. Appreciating every moment life has to offer.
At the end of the day. Happiness is our a mindset. We can be unhappy but we choose to suffer. Happiness is a choice that we have to make every second of the day consciously.
Tomorrow isn’t promised. Today isn’t guaranteed and yesterday has passed. We have to make the most out of the time that we have now. To leave this planet on empty. Having had done everything we ever dreamed that we would and or could do. Leaving the world better than how we found it. Leaving the world with more signs of ourselves.
Happiness is always changing from every day. To every moment. If we are going to be happy, we have to decide to be happy. Finding any small spark of joy and making the most of out it.
There are only a few things in life that will bring more of it when shared/given. Happiness/Joy is one of those things, “Happiness/joy is better shared”
To find it all it takes is a few simple questions and answers. We can do this every day. We could do this every month. Even once a year. As long as we are continually trying to live in the here and now and make the most out of every moment that we have we can be that 1 in 3 instead of the 2 out of 3.
Happiness isn’t something that we find but, something that we create.
Call to action.
Feel free to test out this exercise listed above and see if it works or not for you. At the very least do one thing today that brings you joy today. Something that makes you smile and forget about time. It doesn’t matter what it is, as long as it makes you happy.
Bonus; Do something that not only makes you happy but others as well. Find someone to share your happiness with (Even a stranger. We never know it could lead to a lifelong thing. A stranger is only a stranger until we introduce ourselves.)
Comment, what brings you happiness. And what you think happiness is. Also, Feel free to check out my latest article about social media use. This can have a huge effect on our happiness. Is social media making our lives better or stealing it. (The truths no-one tells you.)
We are all in this together but it all starts with you! You are creating history!
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Author of- Perfectly Perfect
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